Warning: Read at your own risk. Bawal magreklamo if mababaw for you ang topic.
Recently, I was made to realize na hindi pala ako kagandahan.
After a while, hindi naman na ako nagalit. Kanya kanyang opinion naman kasi yan sa buhay natin.
Respect the opinion of others. Ika nga nila.
But, thanks to the support and confidence boosts of my loved ones since I was born, I never questioned kung maganda ba ako or not.
Not until now.
Please don’t get me wrong. Hindi naman ako sobrang babaw na tao. It’s just that medyo na-apektuhan ako this time. Siguro because tumatanda na din ako and I’ve become more sensitive with how I look. Parang lumalayo na kasi sobra dun sa hitsura ko nung kabataan ko eh. Nakadagdag that I turned 40 last month and when I look at the mirror, parang hindi ako natutuwa with how I look like.
Gone’s my figure na kahit anong suotin ko dati, mahal man or mura lang, kaya kong dalhin ng maayos. Gone’s the supple skin sa face ko. Gravity has taken it’s toll. Buti na lang hindi malaki in the first place ang boobs ko. Hindi siya masyado na-apektuhan ng gravity. Nothing to fall eh. Lelz. Pero my big butt? What happened? And don’t get me started with my posture. Naririndi na ako na lagi nasasabihan that I am always slouching. What I’m bothered with most of all is yung carefree aura ko nung bata pa ako, nawawala na din. It has been replaced with all the worries a mother, a wife and a career woman can have.
Naloshang na. Parang ganun.
Ever since the miscarriage and the surgery, I wasn’t able to go back to my hard core exercises. Because of the pills that I am taking, palobo ako ng palobo.
Kaya medyo tinamaan talaga ako nung na-insinuate na hindi naman ako kagandahan. Kung dati ko siguro narinig yun, wapakels. Ngayon kasi medyo in doubt na din ako eh.
Because of my work and the errands I have to do when I’m not working (osige na, isama mo na din yung oras na nauubos ko dahil kakanood ng Koreanovela which makes me relax after a hard day’s work), I really do not have time to go to the dermatologist monthly. Dahil sa traffic, wala na akong energy to go to the gym or to do boxing after work. Ni hindi ko nga makuha magpa-mani pedi or to do other self care routines dahil wala talagang oras. In case there is extra time, I choose to spend it with my loved ones instead.
Paano na nga ba.
Validosang tao ako. Bahala na kayo if you will say na ang babaw ko but I feel I have to do something kasi I don’t want to look loshyang. Hindi talaga ako papayag. Gusto ko yung katulad kay Wowa. Ageing gracefully.
Bigla ko tuloy naisip. Never din pala ako nasabihan ni Sombrero ng maganda. Yeah, like never since 1994. Nasabihan niya ako once na sexy, but that’s it. It never bothered me all these years. Sabi ko naman sa inyo, dati never ko minind yan. Malakas ang self confidence ko kasi sa beauty ko nung kabataan ko. Parang ang dami kong ibang inaasikaso kaysa isipin if maganda ba ako or not. I had my volleyball varsity. I had my friends. I had my studies. I had my liscensure exams. I had my MBA classes. I had my inter-MBA volleyball. Madami. I was focused on the things I had to accomplish sa ikaka-asenso ko. Besides, I was having fun growing up.
Pero now, bigla ako nabother.
Wala na siguro kasi akong magawa sa buhay. Lelz.
So where is this blog entry headed.
Wala. Ewan.
I am just a girl. Standing in front of a mirror. Asking it “Anyare teh?”
Minumuni muni ko lang what happened na to my physical appearance. I think at one point in a woman’s life, she will question it. Ako, ito na. Nawalan kasi ako ng confidence sa sarili ko when I realized I’m getting old and napapaligiran na ako ng mga bagets na firm, tight and magaganda.
I think with a powerful goodwill, mababalik naman natin yun. Balik Alindog #AngPagbabalikForTheNthTime
Putting aside the physical stuff, I think ang importante dun ay may pinagka-tandaan tayo. Let’s look at all the learnings that we have now. Thankful ako dun. That and the journey to where we are now was fun. Masaya na nakakaloka pero masaya na din over all. Also, all these years and wrinkles, nalaman natin sino sino ang talagang mahal tayo at mahal natin. Nalagas na ang mga “superficial” friends natin. Naiwan ang mga totoo. And look at what we have accomplished. Nasan na ba tayo in life? In all honesty, I am happy where I am now personally, professionally except physically. Hahaha! Joke lang. At least ang physical appearances, magagawan ng paraan ng science di ba? Meron nun. So ako iniisip ko na lang na happy na din ako where I am now albeit fatter and a bit “loshyang-er” than I wanted.
I’m not sure if this blog entry made sense.
Keber.