Dress: GINGERSNAPS; Shoes: GINGERSNAPS
I think I already told you about this story:
When I was in Grade 4, one of my closest friends suddenly decided that she didn’t want to be friends with me anymore without telling me the reason. She not only unfriended me but also told all of our friends in class not to talk to me and make me bati. I was 10 years old that time and it really hurt me. All my friends suddenly didn’t talk to me. I don’t know what she said to them about me pero sumunod silang lahat sa kanya. I dreaded going to school because wala akong kasama even to eat at recess and merienda. I got sick and didn’t go to school for a week. I don’t remember the exact details about that time anymore except the emotional pain and the sick feeling in my stomach due to anxiety that I had every time I arrive in school. It got to a point that Wowa got worried and talked to my class adviser. She wanted to talk also to the parents of my ex-friend but wala pang social media that time. I don’t know why my class adviser didn’t set the meeting between them. Wowa talked to me and told me if my friends don’t want to be friends with me anymore, then I just have to make new ones.
Yun yung nangyari. When I got back to school, nasanay ako sa pagkaka-deadma nila sa akin. I made new friends. And for some reasons, by the end of the school year, my ex-friends suddenly started talking to me tapos naging okay na ang lahat.
The situation may sound childish and petty to you but it affected me emotionally and psychological. However, because of that experience, I somehow got a taste of the outside world. Tumatag ako ng slight. I learned that friends are not restricted to what I currently have. If hindi nila ako gusto, wala akong magagawa. I cannot please everyone even though I am nice to them. I have to move on.
I was actually wishing Anika will not go through this kasi honestly, baka ako yung hindi maka-kaya dun sa situation. Lelz. Pero eto na.
On our way to school one morning, Anika talked to me.
ANIKA: Nanay, we are going to dance in an event in school. But the leader told me na hindi daw ako pwede sumali because madami na daw girls.
ME: Did you tell her that you want to join?
ANIKA: Yes. I went to her and told her I want to join but she turned her back at me and didn’t say anything. Why is she like that, Nanay? I want to join naman.
ME: Lahat ba sasali?
ANIKA: I have a friend who doesn’t want to dance naman pero the leader said she should dance. Bakit ako, gusto ko magdance pero ayaw nila ako isali?
Tears started to fall from her eyes.
Naawa ako.
Here’s what I wanted to tell Anika:
“Sabihin mo sa batang yan, wag siyang mean. Kamo, Augustinian Dance Troupe ka. Hindi lahat nakakapasok sa auditions ng dance troupe and yet at Grade 4, nakapasok ka. Bakit of all naman, ikaw yung gusto niyang tanggalin?! And why does she get to decide?!”
But here’s what I actually said to Anika:
“Anak, I don’t know why pero baka may reason siya. Talk to her again today. Tell her that you want to dance. If she still doesn’t want to talk to you, go to your teacher and tell her that you want to dance okay? It’s okay to feel upset but crying will not help you if you want to dance.”
I also told her that she will meet a lot of people like that classmate in her life. Hindi lahat ng tao magiging nice sa kanya and she shouldn’t cry everytime that happens. Pati kako sa pagtanda niya like sa work, may mga ganyang tao din. Dapat she knows how to talk to these people and not get that much affected whenever she gets hurt.
It hurt me to see Anika like that. Parang naaapi ang dating sa akin. As much as I wanted to call na her adviser para magsumbong, I restrained myself because I want to know first what will happen after she talks to her classmate.
Nung kinamusta ko that night, she said they’re okay na. She got included na sa sayaw and okay na sila nung classmate niya. She talked daw to the leader and now she’s helping her with the dance. It’s good that I restrained myself. As a parent kasi, mabilis tayo magfeel warla whenever we think nadedehado our kids. I think that we should give the situation the benefit of the doubt kasi most probably away bata siya. I let Anika handle that particular battle first.
However, the other day while I was still at the office, Lyn messaged me: “Ate, ang tamlay ni Anika.”
I asked if she was sick. Hindi naman. Sobra daw sakit lang ng head niya and she wants to vomit daw.
I suspected something so I talked to her when I got home. Nung nakita niya ako, she hugged me tight and started crying.
Apparently, more than once that week, her dance troupe-mates told her that their mentor/teacher is mad at her for missing practice. Anika was missing practices because of volleyball training and the game. There were also some misunderstanding along the way kaya hindi siya naka-practice like she doesn’t know the time and venue.
Ayun. Naganxiety yung lola niyo. Ayaw pumasok the next day because of it. She didn’t want to go to school because that was the day ng performance nila and she was really scared to see her teacher. Nagtaka ako because it was the first time I saw Anika very anxious like that. Dancing is her passion and it should be fun for her. Why is she getting stressed like this? I wanted her to go to class and face that teacher. I told her not to run away from her problems. I told her kung wala naman siyang naging kasalanan and misunderstanding lang ang lahat, there is no reason for her to get scared. Kaso ayaw talaga. Nanginginig sa takot and iyak ng iyak. I understand her naman kasi ikaw nga sabihan ka lagi ng friends mo na galit na galit sayo yung teacher mo, ewan ko na lang kung hindi ka matakot.
Sa awa ni Alvin (mas marupok yan sa anak niya compared sa akin), he told Anika not to go to school na nga anymore. Pinandilatan ko si Sombrero. But since ayoko siyang kontrahin in front of Anika, I told Anika this instead, “Okay, sige. Wag ka pumasok bukas but this will be the last time that you will do this. Hindi tama to hide from your problems lalo na if alam mo na wala ka namang fault. Ipagtanggol mo sarili mo dun sa teacher mo. Air out your side, respectfully. You do not need to be scared kung wala ka naman kasalanan.”
Without telling Anika, I sent a message to her class adviser regarding this. She confirmed that Anika gets too emotional pagmay concern na mga ganyan. She said that she will talk to Anika about this. What is good about the teachers in CSA is that very helpful sila sa mga kids pagmay mga ganito. They genuinely care for the students academic and emotional needs.
Balitaan ko kayo after Monday what will happen. For the meantime, standby lang muna ako kasi I want to see how Anika will tackle this.
Even though we are training Anika to be stronger and not run away from her problems, Alvin and I make sure na ramdam ni Anika na we are there for her. That is very important to kids, I know. They should feel assured na they have the support of their parents. It makes them feel more confident and it lessens the anxiety that they feel. Kaya usap kami ng usap. Reassure ako ng reassure na nandito lang kami for her. Sana with that, magkaconfidence siya more to speak up.
So there. We need balance between teaching our kids to fight their own battles and the same time not make them feel that they’re alone in this world.
Hindi siya madali.
Lelz.